Over My Head

I am in over my head..........It has been months since I posted, life has just been so overwhelming I haven't known what to say or how to release the emotions within.

Deaths, disasters, illnesses.....much too overwhelming. It all began with the death of my kids father....I started doing my usual straying from what I know holds me up each day and just holding on. Then my illness, my stepdads death....much, much too overwhelming and still I am not calling on my Lord....because I guess I am mad that all of this is happening to me. When oh Lord when......

Now I have been with my Mom for months, having left my home and family to take care of her. Fighting battles and handling my stepdads estate matters......now letting frustration with my health, my emotions, my situation slip in and then I hear the voice that I have been ignoring for months....I am in over my head. I KNOW THAT I AM IN OVER MY HEAD....why are you telling me that.

All this time I think I have been handling this alone.........and yet I was never alone. My sweet Jesus was of coarse with me all along, holding me up, not letting me fall too far....softly holding my hand. When I am tired, frustrated and think I can not take anymore and simply need a place to rest.........I realize

Time and Time Again, he is there, although I may never understand......I know that I know that what I have been holding on to all this time was holding onto me.

I am indeed In Over My Head........and that's ok!